


Are you Happy?

by Whistle_in_the_Wind



Category: The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Character Growth (I hope), Clueless Bonnie, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Mentions of Steroline
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-08
Updated: 2016-10-09
Packaged: 2018-02-28 15:49:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2738153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whistle_in_the_Wind/pseuds/Whistle_in_the_Wind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Oh...Well, I hope you two are happy together." Bonnie said without a trace of bitterness or irony. Bonnie is always thinking of everyone else, Damon is pissed off and Steroline is watching the trainwreck. What else is new? Comments and criticism much appreciated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Are you Happy?

Setting: Sometime after episode "I Alone", they manage to rescue Bonnie. She helps everyone and they defeat Kai. The Gemini coven abolishes the merging ritual. It's been months since then, Elena still does not have more memories and after Damon "let her go" and focused on helping Bonnie, she decided to try again with Liam and the normal life route. Damon and Bonnie get closer because of their new found friendship and Jeremy, while reasonably upset, targeted all his frustrations on Bonnie. He also was not very happy with their close bond. They were both lonely after a few months and got together. I guess because of the holidays, I accidentally gave it an end of the year vibe. However, I couldn't conceive them getting romantic in such a short time so in this story, it's a year later, they are now in Junior year and the fall semester is ending.

No copyright infringement intended, of course. Have a good read. 

 

 

 

 

* * *

Bonnie was just getting back from a weekend with her mother. Emotionally and physically exhausted, all she wanted to do was take a hot shower in Damon's amazing bathroom with the best pressure  _ever_. After coming back from the "1994" and dealing with Kai and the Gemini Coven family drama, she thought long and hard about her own family and seeing as all she had left now was her ever elusive cousin Lucy and her mother, she decided to extend the olive branch. The weekend did not solve all their issues but at least they had started to air out the laundry and make steps towards a more open relationship where calling her mother wasn't tied down to supernatural drama of the week. Sighing she went under the heavenly shower spray and took he time washing her hair and her body, finally relaxing. After her shower she headed to the walk-in closet where she had a few clothes there for when she spent the night there. As she was putting on her dress she heard the front door with a muffled voice. She stepped out of the bedroom to ask Damon to help her with the stuck zipper on the back of the dress.

"Hey Damon, can you help me with my dress, I hate when this… " She stopped when she saw Damon and Elena looking really tense and standing very close together. "Oh, hey Elena! What's up?"

"Hi Bonnie, I didn't know you were already back from your trip." She replied nervously.

She paused looking at Damon and said "I have to go do some studying for the finals so I'll catch up with you on what happened with your mom later ok?" She turned around and left the room like she had hell hounds after her.

"Ok, I'll see you later" Bonnie said as her best friend left. Weird. "Damon what's wrong with Elena? You guys look upset." She frowned.

"Bonnie, I'm so sorry. Something happened between Elena and I while you were gone and…" She didn't even let him finish. She already had expected that to happen.

"Oh...Well, I hope you two are happy together." Bonnie said without a trace of bitterness or irony. She was too tired and prepared for that.

"Bonnie, I swear it's not…" He said pleadingly, eyes begging her to see it his way.

"What? It's not what it looks like? You didn't mean it? It was an accident? What could you possibly say to me that would make me feel better about this?"

She was prepared for him to just break up with her, she hadn't anticipated his attempt at explaining his actions. That took her by surprise and honestly it was a little silly for him to try and downplay what happened. She just wished he had waited for things to be over between them first.

"I didn't want to hurt you. It didn't mean anything, it was just a stupid spur of the moment thing!" He said suppliantly hoping to earn forgiveness that he didn't know was already bestowed.

"No,  _I_ 'm really sorry Damon" She apologised sincerely. "I don't want to make this harder than it has to be. I'm not going to cry or scream or make you feel guilty. I'm just hope that somehow our relationship was enough for you to still care about me." Sighing, she continued, "I just wished you had enough respect for me to at least break things off before you did this. I would've understood, you know? It's not like everyone hadn't already warned me, you included, that getting too deep in with you would spell disaster." She explained trying to joke about it.

That stung him more than a screaming match, her slapping him or using the aneurysms on him ever would. She didn't even seem upset or scorned. She was trying to make light of their relationship ending! Why was he the one that seemed more broken up about it than she was. She looked like this was expected and she held nothing against either of them. Apparently, she understood why he did this when even he didn't and she accepted it like it was no big deal. Did she even care about him? About them? He didn't understand, "Why are you so calm about this? Why aren't you upset!?" he started to raise his voice.

"Damon, come on. None of this is exactly a surprise. It was pretty much written on the wall from the beginning. It's been weeks since we really touched each other for more than a platonic peck on the lips, you spent all your time with her since her break up with Liam. I just started to prepare myself early because I could see where it was all heading."She spoke softly and reassuringly, trying to soothe his agitation. Frankly, she didn't understand what he wanted her to do? Did he want her to be angry and resent them? Shouldn't he be ecstatic that she wasn't whamming him against the wall in anger?

"You don't have to feel guilty, I knew what I was getting into…We had a good run and your were good to me. I hope the progress we made won't be for nothing."

"What, are you saying it's all good? Water under the bridge we can just go back to being members of the Scooby gang?" He exclaimed, unhinged.

Why did she care so little? Had she already moved on and decided she was no longer invested and waited for him to make the one mistake he had been trying to convince her he wouldn't make since they got more serious?

"So everything is ok now? We can just be friends!? No feelings getting in the way or anything? Did you even love me? Why do you not care that it's over between us and that I betrayed you in such a horrible way. She's your best friend! I don't even understand why we did this. Why were you so sure that it would happen?"

"Damon, there's no need to get upset. As for whether I loved you, of course I did. I still do, you're one of my dearest friends and an important part of my life. I would be dead ten times over if it weren't for you and you brought me back to life twice now. Of course I care about you and always will. I just knew it was a matter of time before Elena fell for you again regardless of her memories being gone."

"I don't want to be your friend!" He spat.

He hated the way she was so matter of fact about the whole thing. She loved him as a friend? So what? this was just a temporary thing until Elena deigned to have him back in her oh-so-holy good graces? She never believed they would work. Somehow that was even worse than her not loving him. It meant she never believed him when he confessed the darkest part of his soul to her! She never believed any of his promises of his love and fidelity. He felt condescended to, like he had been played like a fool.

"Oh well, I suppose I should thank the great Bonnie for holding my hand until my other guardian came back" He snapped sarcastically.

"Um… Seriously? I don't understand why you're so mad. I'm the one who got cheated on and dumped remember? Why are you so pissed off? I am just trying to keep the peace here! I told Caroline not to attack you or Elena, I just want us all to be friends. I saw a different side of you when we were gone and you came back. Why are you trying to make this difficult?" Again, her tone showed her confusion, and dismay, at his agitation.

She was basically freeing him from any blame or retribution on their friends' part and trying to keep the good relationship they developed in the last few months. Believe it or not, her favourite aspects of being with Damon all had to do with the time they spent talking, hanging out, playing games, etc. She really thought that they could at least stay friends. She was disappointed he didn't seem to even want her friendship anymore.

"Do you not even want to be friends and hang out anymore?" She asked blinking her teary eyes, somehow that was worse than him being in love with her best friend. "I really though we had gotten close and you valued me as someone you care about now."

Her reactions were so infuriating! He didn't want to be her friend, he didn't want to share her with the others and be one of the other idiots who thought they could ask the world of her based on her friendship with them and never actually do anything for her. Her eyes became moist as she tried to ask why he didn't want to be her friend. He was baffled that she thought that all they needed to do was remove the sex and make outs and they could just go back to normal like there was never anything deeper between them. This was maddening! He knew he had no right to be angry at her because they were over as a result of his transgression and he was in the wrong. He just couldn't bear the way she talked about them as if being a short-term, low stakes couple was a foregone conclusion.

" I am angry because you apparently never really gave a shit about our relationship and are completely okay with me getting together with Elena. Also I didn't dump you, I just wanted to confess what I had done because I felt so guilty betraying your trust in me. Seems like I didn't need to worry about it after all since you had none to speak of." His eyes looked black with fury. He appeared to being this close to snapping her neck. "How can you talk about us like, like…"

"Like what?" She interrupted him, her wet eyes turning angry, "Like we all know Elena is the love of your life and you are hers? Like I knew the minute she was emotionally available again you would go back to her in nanoseconds? Guess what. That's exactly what happened! Are you seriously angry at me for knowing what you would do and not holding a freaking grudge!? What is wrong with you? I get it now, I guess I was the only one who valued our friendship while we were gone but there's really no need to act like I'm a heartless bitch that was using you! If anything in this scenario I was the one being used as a substitute!"

She turned around, gathering her bag and jacket to cover her still open back. She was just in a hurry to leave because she was losing her patience with him right now. Stopping right before the door as she left her copy of the keys, she asked "And what the hell is it with that whole 'I didn't dump you' thing? Are you telling me that you were going to keep dating me while in love with Elena? The path was pretty clear after what happened between you guys!"

He opened his mouth, probably to throw another stupid objection and she cut him off, "Whatever, Damon. I really thought you had changed for the better and I was rooting for you to be happy. For once, I wanted you to see that all you needed to do to get the girl is be yourself and not try to compete with anyone. You won her over without her considering Stefan so there was no rivalry with your brother. Are you just mad because I am not heartbroken? Do you care so little about me that you wish for me to lament and hold on to you like this even after you get with her?"

"Bonnie, you don't understand. I-"

"No Damon, that's it with this conversation. I wanted to be friends and you don't even care enough to give me that. Just leave me alone. I'm sorry it had to end this way. I'm sorry  _you_  made it so. Matt will be by to get my stuff if you don't mind, then I won't have to see your face to come back and get it" She walked out slamming the door shut. Leaving him behind to stew in his anger and resentment.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Two Weeks Later

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Finals were finally over. Bonnie hadn't seen hide nor tail of either Damon -no surprise there- or Elena, which that did surprise her but she guessed Lena was embarrassed and felt bad for the whole thing and they probably were also making up for lost time. She was still upset at Damon for not even having the decency to take her forgiveness and trampling all over their friendship in the process. Honestly, she really didn't understand why that man refused to have it easy. How many guys had their girlfriend forgive them for cheating with their best friend and wished them luck in their new relationship? It was almost like his ego had been hurt because she wasn't on her knees begging him to stay with her. Just thinking about it made her huff in irritation over her breakfast.

"What's up Bonnie? Did those eggs mortally offend you or something?"

She looked up to see Stefan and Caroline arm in arm looking happy but concerned for her. The sight made her smile. She was really happy those two finally saw sense and got together. They looked so much happier. Stefan always looked at Caroline like he couldn't believe she gave him the honour of her affections and Care always seemed content and secure, never doubting his devotion.

"Hey guys, want to join me?"

"Sure!" Caroline replied merrily. "It's been so busy with exams and now the holidays are upon us. Ugh, I feel like we haven't talked in forever!"

Bonnie smiled and answered "Care, we saw each other on Saturday. It's only been five days." Caroline pouted

"Maybe but you were doing reviews and I was planning for the festivities so we didn't have any girl talk time. Also, with most of my usual party equipment in Mystic Falls, it's been so difficult to coordinate with Mom." She added, dejectedly, " I just wish we could do something about that stupid barrier."

"I know sweetie. I'm sorry I have been so busy, I will definitely find a way to rectify that." Bonnie tried, to reassure and cheer up her bubbly friend.

"No!" Exclaimed both her friends, to her shock and surprise.

"I mean, we don't want you to exert yourself or do something dangerous that could kill you. There's no more Other Side to come back from after all." Said Stefan. "

Yeah, Bonnie. We don't want to lose you again because we decided to dump all the problem solving on your shoulders. There is too much at risk" Caroline added fervently. Bonnie was moved by her friends' looking out for her. Since she came back from Kai-land, her friends had all apologised for always taking her and her powers for granted and expecting her to save everyone without making sure that it wasn't at the cost of her safety. She knew they all felt incredibly guilty and really she didn't know why since she would always be willing to do anything for her dear friends.

"Aw, you guys are sweet. Don't worry, it's all research for now. I promise I will be careful. Besides you guys' couldn't have known that the Other Side crumbling automatically meant me going with it or that people passing through me weakened and hurt me. I should have told everyone from the beginning. I understand why Jeremy is so mad at me still." She saw their guilty expressions and tried to steer the conversation away from the topic.

"Anyways, Care how is the party planning going for both Christmas Eve and New Year's? Do you have your seating charts completed?" She teased her control freak friend. She did not notice Stefan still looking frowning deep in thought.

Stefan felt horrible every time the group's mistreatment of Bonnie was brought up. The shame at the way they all behaved as if this young fragile girl was their weapon shocked him and choked him with remorse. The saddest part was, the only reason any of them finally pulled their head out of their asses was thanks to Damon who had been royally pissed after all the attempts to rescue her from the other side had failed partly due to the fact that he had seemed to be the only one taking rescuing Bonnie as a priority.

**Flashback**

It was right after the last attempt through Liv had failed. They had all met in the girls' dorm room to think about what to do about Kai, the coven and Bonnie. After listening for a while to everyone's arguments, questions and proposals, it seemed Damon had had enough.

"Everyone shut up right now!" He shouted, glaring at every occupant in the room. He started with Jeremy.

"You! You will keep your Debbie downer, woe is me crap on mute. I don't care that your fucking feelings were hurt because she didn't tell you she was about to die until the last minute. I don't care that you don't want to get your hopes up and be disappointed. How do you think Bonnie feels, huh!? You think this is about you? It's not! If you don't want to help you're welcome to go hole up in Mystic Falls were nothing can hurt but don't sit here acting like you're getting the brunt of the pain here. Let's be honest, that's always Bonnie."

He sneered while Jeremy blushed angrily, unable to formulate an adequate response. He turned to Alaric.

"And you, I am freaking sorry I compelled you. Normally I would consider this to be one of the rare occasions where I apologise sincerely but you need to pull your head out of your ass. You basically told me that the life of a teenage girl, who has saved all of our asses at every opportunity, almost died -once by your hand, by the way- and did die for us, is less important than the risk of danger to your two-weeks girlfriend!? Are you seriously telling me that I was wrong to dismiss your right to agency when you were willing to leave Bonnie alone with a psychopath who killed two of his siblings in cold blood when your girlfriend has everyone here to protect her? For fuck's sake, the only reason why you're even here is because Bonnie let you through as the anchor!" Again, the addressee didn't have much to say in their defence.

"What about you Tyler? Forcing Liv to lift the spell before she could get to us when you found out Kai was out -which he did all by himself to boot, meaning leaving Bonnie alone there was for nothing-, did it help? She at least had magic she can use at a distance which makes Kai redundant. What does Bonnie have? You seriously put someone you met like yesterday before one of your childhood friends who defied her whole line of ancestors to make sure Klaus didn't die and kill you in the process?"

Tyler defended himself "Damon, you don't know what Live has done for me. She save me from being a werewolf again!" Damon thundered "I don't care! Bonnie saved your life when you didn't so much as say a hello to her. Liv has her magic while she is defenceless!"

"And you!?" He looked at Elena and Caroline. "Her so-called sisters. First you never realised she was gone during the entire summer thanks to dumber Gilbert. I never was her friend, what was your excuse for believing the bullshit about staying with her mom and missing her father's funeral? Did you even know that being an anchor was actually painful for her and had physical effects on her body? Did you even bother to check with her that having all these people going through was not dangerous?"

Caroline tried to argue, "She never told her any of this. We would have never asked her to do it if we knew the consequences. Don't you dare judge us here like you're better. She hated you!" Damon smirked.

"As I said, what's your excuse? She didn't tell you? Did you ever ask? Did any of you ever wonder how she felt with all the magic she had to do during those years? You knew she had just died silently to not rain on your parade, what more did you need as an indication that if she was ever in trouble you should be the ones to ask? It was easy never asking because then the burden of the sacrifice and the secret was solely on her" Caroline looked close to tears as she considered what he had just said. She looks Stefan as if to ask to make his brother back off. Damon saw the look.

"Oh Brother you know better than to even try with me. We both know we are guilty of seeing her, at best, as 'Elena's friend' and, at worst, her shield and a weapon to fire at her enemies. Every time she was hurt, our priority was to make sure Elena forgave us for hurting her friend. She was collateral to sacrifice at Elena's altar." Elena couldn't take anymore, she jumped to her feet and said angrily "I would never want Bonnie to be sacrificed for me. She is my sister, her life is just as important as mine."

"Please Elena, you really don't want to argue with me on this. You have the privilege of having your brain washed but you caused her pain by blowing yourself up with me and passing through her. You were always the reason why someone on her family had to die, you may have been angry at us but you started to take it as status quo. I am sure your memories are great right now but you stopped giving a shit about Bonnie right after you became a vampire. You almost killed her with your switch off and yet Matt being hurt is what woke you up. Not almost killing your supposed sister. Even with your memories re-wired you somehow think that the only way anyone care about Bonnie is through you. I was looking to free her way before you 'asked me'. Like I needed your favour as motivation to help her. When we were over there you wanted to languish about the past instead of staying on track and finding her and you had the balls to say Bonnie was means to your gratitude for me. Don't you dare act as if you're innocent!"

Everyone in the room was quiet, Damon's chest was heaving from his rants and the silence was heavy with meaning and guilt. Matt cleared his throat and did what he never thought was possible. He agreed and sided with Damon Salvatore.

"You're right Damon. We should all be focusing on saving the person to whom we all owe our lives many times over. I, for one, prioritise saving Bonnie over everything else." He turned to Liv, Luke and Jo and said "No offence, you guys but she's my friend. I have to help her."

After that, the witches in the room tried to find a way to neutralised Kai and Damon set about reaching Lucy to see how she can help since 1994 was created by a Bennet witch. Matt and Jeremy went to the Boardinghouse and then Bonnie and Grams' houses to see if there are any books or grimoires that could give them some info on the spell.

**End Flashback**

Stefan's attention rejoined the conversation as Bonnie was trying to convince Caroline to not ostracise Jeremy, Damon and Elena form the festivities. For his part, he wasn't sure he wanted to be asked his opinion, his brother always had his support but he had to admit Damon did dig his own grave pretty deep with his treatment of Bonnie after the break up. Too bad, after his sticking up for Bonnie and their closer friendship after she got back, Caroline had finally gotten over her Damon hatred but the fool had to re-ignite it by screwing up again. Although this time it was tinged with pity because everyone knew the person Damon was making the most miserable was himself. It also helped that Bonnie had remained in good spirits.

"Come on Caroline, you can't hold a grudge forever, you know? Besides isn't it a little strange that you're taking this worse than I am? You can't push them out of our group, we're a family. I want them there. Please?" She pleaded, trying to appeal to her friend.

After her return, Caroline had seemed to aspire make up for any affection deficit Bonnie suffered by acting very protective and being eager to do anything to make her happy. It was a good thing Bonnie was an altruistic person as her happiness was very much centred around her friends having fun.

"Ugh! Fine! I guess I can extend the list of guests." She mock sighed as if carrying out a Herculean task.

She then grumbled low enough for only Stefan's sensitive ears to pick up "I don't even know why you want these traitors and that whiny stupid man-child to ruin the mood. All they will do is indulge in self-pity and try to ruin the night for everyone else. Like their problems are not their own fault." He looked at her both surprised and amused at her overprotectiveness.

"Wait, why is Jeremy on your blacklist now?" He asked, looking between the two girls as Caroline scowled and Bonnie face burned a little in discomfort.

"That little shit tried to guilt Bonnie into dating him again. He dared to say that he forgave her for her actions and that he was ready to pick things up where they left them off."

"He didn't try to guilt me Caroline, he just wanted to know if there was still a chance!"

"He said you stole his sister's boyfriend and that now that Damon has recovered his senses and gone back to Elena, you should wake up too and apologise for cheating on him! How is that not trying to guilt you into dating him?"

"He only said that after I rejected him, it was spoken in anger. I won't hold it against him. He's had to deal with a lot these past few years."

"So have you!" Caroline snapped, "God, Bonnie. Will you stop being a martyr and everyone's cheerleader already? Of course that idiot takes you for granted, he does nothing to warrant your loyalty and yet you give it so freely to him. Be less of an easy target will you." Bonnie winced at the comment and looked down at her plate. Stefan put a hand on Carolin's wrist to suggest restraint as her face softened.

"Oh, I'm so sorry Bonnie. I don't want to bring you down but you have to understand that it's those tendencies that leave you in danger because you try to fix everyone but yourself. I love your big heart but you need to protect it as well."

"I am aware that it's a problem, you know?" She confessed in small almost childlike voice, "I just…I don't want to be responsible for fallouts between my friends. I'm just trying to keep the peace."

"Bonnie, I know it's in your nature and you've been the referee and peacekeeper since forever but the fallout here is Not. Your. Fault! They need to deal with the consequences of their actions otherwise what's the point? Jeremy had no right to act like such a jerk and Damon and Elena should have never gone behind your back. They should have just told you upfront what was happening. Although to be honest, who the hell knows what that exactly is. Elena avoids me like the plague and Damon is not exactly my friend."

"I am sure that they have already sorted out everything and the happy couple will be jovial during the holidays, you will see! Hopefully Damon will have pulled out the stick from his ass. Seriously, did you know he showed up at the dorm room saying that he wouldn't leave until he talked to me and then said that he wouldn't let Matt get my stuff and he keeps breaking into my room to leave his apartment keys in random drawers. I don't get why he's being so childish. I all but gave him my blessing to have a Happily Ever After with Elena and he keeps trying to make it difficult to go back to normal."

As she ranted she caught a look between the couple.

"What's that look for? I know, I know…Elena can not be exactly pleased. I tried to talk to her and ask her to get my stuff, you know when Damon is not home, but she told me she can't help me with that. I think she thinks I'm pissed and is waiting for an appropriate amount of time for them to be 'official' or something."

"Bonnie…?" Stefan asked hesitantly, "Have you actually talked to my brother since you guys broke up? I mean face to face?"

"No, and I refuse to be the one to cave in this instance! He made me out to be some kind of heartless bitch and even said he didn't want to be my friend! I mean really? Must we go back to antagonistic acquaintance? And why is so insistent I pick up…" She stopped talking seeing another look,

"What's this look for now?" she asked startling the two vampires.

"Oh, it's just that maybe you should talk to him?" Caroline pressed.

Bonnie looked at her disbelieving, and exclaimed "Didn't you just say I shouldn't dole out forgiveness like candy? Why would I talk to him when I can't identify any wrongdoing on my part?"

"I'm not saying you should forgive him but maybe talking will get him off your back." She suggested and relented with, "But either way, it's your choice. Just keep me updated so the seating chart is not a mess. Lucy and your mom are still coming right?"

"Yup!" Bonnie answered jovially, very happy with the change of subject.

"They both promised me grimoires with these really cool spells for gardening. You know I took that botanics class right? Orgo-chem is pretty cool too; knowing all these effects and combinations of molecules in nature is really cool. Have you seen the campus' greenhouses? They're awesome! "

She continued to babble happily about a bunch of things and then finished her meal. She had to go to Mystic falls to take care of her grams' greenhouse and yard which she usually did every Friday but with the end of exams she could go earlier. She waved them goodbye after hugging Caroline. They watched her drive away through the window.

"Your brother is an idiot."

"I know…Do you think she even has an inkling?"

"Pfft…Bonnies Bennet is innocence and naivety personified. The poor girl will need it sky-written, probably."

"How can she be that innocent after dating Damon for months, though? Actually, nevermind. I guess that's where the appeal comes from."

They both sighed wearily praying for all this drama to end soon. Poor, sweet, Bonnie Bennet would probably have to go through quite the turmoil before the end though. She really had no idea what was waiting for her.


	2. No, I don't think so...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are on the way to get resolved...? Just kidding they are, they are!  
> So there is some experimentation with POVs and we don't see anything from Bonnie's this chapter. I just had massive trouble working in a good and logical transition so I ended up splitting part 2 in two parts.

Alaric's day was, once again, shaping up to be just the absolute worst. In fact, at this point he might as well go ahead call it the worst two weeks. He had not had a moment of peace since Damon had turned on his doorstep, swaying and still apparently ready to down a barrel's worth of whisky. He almost considered not even going home and take Jo up on her offer but he knew that someone needed to look after the uncharacteristically not murderous vampire.

At first he had felt some sympathy for Damon. This was the first relationship the poor fool had experienced that helped him to realise that fighting and wanting to tear each other's clothes is not the only way to have a passionate relationship. Bonnie already had seen (and let's not forget, suffered at the hands of) Damon at his worst. This time, Damon only had himself as the competition. 

Their problems really were before the “official” beginning when Damon almost didn't know how to act because he was so used to have that first explosive impression that he would then spend his whole relationship to try and recreate those first few perfect moments. Bonnie wanted to be friends as well as lovers, she wanted all parts of Damon. She wanted the relaxed Damon that hung out for a couple drinks with Alaric on Thursday nights, the sweet Damon who would do those selfless acts for Stefan without ever bringing them up and the sarcastic but still light gossip he was when with Sheriff Forbes. The fact that she didn't need him to change was almost even more challenging for Damon because he had for the first time unwittingly seduced a woman and therefore he could not zero in on the version of himself he thought he should be to keep her. Which was paradoxical since no one could really tell when Damon fell for Bonnie either. Damon himself couldn't - nor could Bonnie tell when she fell for him. The entire group just realised one day that they always thought of Damon and Bonnie as a unit, that nobody was surprised when Damon would drop everything to see Bonnie, that Bonnie would just look more relaxed and content when with him or that they could just communicate with a few looks. What they definitely noticed was when suddenly Damon became super intense (which was when he realised he loved Bonnie) about her safety and started treating her as even more fragile than when she had gotten back from the Other Side, often overriding her decisions and trying to put plans in action without her participation.Bonnie was not a happy camper, she had no idea why he had suddenly changed and also acted super grumpy whenever Jeremy or even Matt were around. He had gotten it in his head that she would never date a vampire and that if he could prove he was a “safe” option, she could change her mind. Yeah...Alaric had rolled his eyes hard at that convoluted reasoning when, after one evening of moping, Damon had confessed that Bonnie was upset with him. Despite the hurdles, Alaric was cheering at the possibility of Damon having a mature relationship. Well…as mature as a 24 going on 170 years old vampire dating a 19-year-old, after having dated both her best friends, could be. So he gave him a hand pulling his head out of his arse.

But now...Now was a very different matter altogether. What Damon was facing wasn't an endearing misunderstanding that would be solved by being himself. This was the result of an unfortunately common mistake. In fact, in this case, Damon being Damon probably exacerbated things. Alaric had tried to warn Damon to always be as clear as possible with Bonnie about what he thought their relationship was. To be fair to Damon, like everyone else -including Bonnie-, Alaric was really saying that because he was convinced that if Elena showed some interest or somehow recovered her memories, Damon would eventually go back to her. He had advised Damon to not be overly demonstrative, used the excuse of Bonnie not being into ostentatious displays and maybe even being spooked by how intense he was being at her young age. Granted, it was partially because her complaints about his intensity during his overprotective mode were constant but the truth of the matter was, they had ALL underestimated Damon's feelings for Bonnie. 

Alaric had felt bad because Damon not wanting to be clingy pushed him to spend more time with Elena when Bonnie was trying to reconnect with her mum. It had coincided with Elena's break up with Liam, their moping had brought them together. He was sure that even if he was with Elena, Damon was always available for Bonnie but if he told her he was with her best friend, Bonnie would probably feel awkward separating them in anyway as that could either be interpreted like as jealousy or being inconsiderate of Elena's need for support. If there was anything that was Bonnie's fault, it was her not taking it seriously when Damon declared her to be his priority. She had finally managed to be a bit more selfish when it came to Damon because he actually enjoyed spoiling her, but in this case, she was putting Elena before either of them. 

Damon had finally given Alaric more details about what prompted the break up. At first, he had just said that Bonnie had broken up with him to be out of his way back to Elena without letting him decide if that was what he wanted. Also that she apparently was never serious about him. It was only after witnessing a quite serious argument between Caroline and Elena with Bonnie looking overwhelmed and trying to calm Caroline down while Elena was in a contrite but still defensive stance that he forced Damon to tell him everything. 

“Elena has been poking around in her head to try and recover her memories” Damon had started “and I figured I owed her and Bonnie would want me to help her.” His heavy sigh had resounded loudly as he went on. “I asked her point blank if getting her memories back had anything to do with our past relationship, because I was happy with Bonnie and would not be even a little bit interested to pick things up where we left off… And she said no, just that she didn't want to go about her life with pieces missing, and she wanted all of herself back. I could sympathise with that, and figured it could occupy me, while Bonnie was reconnecting with her mum. I admit I was avoiding her a little, every time I think about her mother...about what Stefan and I did, I feel sick, ‘Ric. As much as she thinks she knows the worst of me, I still keep certain things hidden. I was so nervous that every time she came home after a bonding session, she would see me more and more as the person who took life away from her mother. The one who took away a gift that she has been appreciating and loving so much more now. 

Anyway, I spent more and more time with Elena and of course since the memories are all linked to me, and our relationship, she asked me a lot about us. She was surprised when I told her I was terrible boyfriend to her. I guess she found it hard to believe when all she knows is how I have been with Bonnie. I told her that I basically learnt what not to do with her so I was much better when it came to Bonnie. After a few weeks, she was getting frustrated and I yelled at her because it felt like she wasn’t trying that hard. She asked me to behave life before to see if that triggered something. I told her I just couldn’t. She backed off but seemed pensive the next few times. Then one day, she just kissed me. I pushed her away and told her that it could never happen again. We got back to campus but she had forgotten something at our place. As we went up, I told her that I would have to tell Bonnie what happened. I was not comfortable lying to her about it. I felt partly responsible after, I probably indulged Elena too much, and indulged myself as well by being _for the first time ever_ the guy who was seen as the perfect boyfriend material. I felt vindicated by Elena’s longing even if we were over. It was quite the come back when you consider it was someone who always saw me as the wrong choice.” He had then sighed full of regret. “Elena was distraught, and probably embarrassed, at the idea of Bonnie knowing what she had done. I felt bad, and hugged her telling her I would always be there for her but that could only be as a friend. And then, Bonnie walked out of the bedroom, Elena practically jumped, and then ran off. I tried to explain, tell her what happened and you know the rest.”

After that Alaric had left Damon alone but tried to gently prod him to explain himself. He didn’t realise that the way Damon had decided to do that was to be persistent to the point of harassment. And he only found out because he saw the girls having an argument after a tense class session where Elena had hidden at the back of the class avoiding eye contact with any of them.

She was just trying to talk to Bonnie one-on-one, she said, but the Caroline was adamant that anything the brunette had to say to their friend should be okay to say in front of her. 

“Caroline, this is seriously none of your business!” Elena had snapped.

“It is my business of you are going to use your tears to make Bonnie feel sorry for you and ignore her feelings.”

“You lied to me, Elena! You said you were over Damon. How can you be this selfish-”

“What?! I didn’t-” Elena tried to interject but Caroline was on a roll.

“this self-centred? Don’t you ever think about Bonnie inst-”

“That’s enough! You two need to quit it right now!” Bonnie was fed up. “Elena, I don’t need the details, I expected you guys to get back together eventually. BUT, I am not happy with you getting together while we were still in a relationship, I’m extremely disappointed and I need space. You don’t need to justify yourself to me, but I need you to let me process this and get Damon to back off. I still haven't gotten my stuff back and he keeps breaking into our room to leave the keys to our place. This is really tiring and drawing out an upsetting situation.” She sighed, taking a breath trying to calm herself. No one mentioned how she referred to Damon’s apartment as “ours”. She turned around and gave a stern look to Caroline;

“And you Caroline, ‘ _Bonnie’_ is right here and can speak for herself. Elena is our friend, I _don’t_ believe she wanted to hurt me. You can be angry at her if you want but don’t use me as a reason. Don’t speak for me, it’s insulting and it makes you as self absorbed as you accuse Elena of being to assume I agree with you.” Caroline looked down, suitably admonished. Alaric could see she was feeling bad and Bonnie’s face softened but she didn’t move to soothe Caroline’s anguish. That was definitely a mark of growth. She stood her ground and allowed her feelings to be heard and considered instead of sweeping them under the rug for her friends' comfort.

The visibly worn out witch, realising that they were drawing attention, had then asked for a time out. Elena walked off with her shoulders hunched and eyes wet from frustration. He had felt sorry for the girl he saw as daughter but he also knew they all shared some of the blame and so he thought it best to let them sort it out. 

Alaric never figured out whether they got that resolved or not. With the exams and the ball of misery on his couch (so unnecessary, Alaric had a spare bedroom but Damon just had to be a drama queen), he really was trying to limit his exposure to teenage drama.

As he neared his apartment, he sighed heavily, preparing himself for another fun night zoning out after the third or fourth rant from Damon and leaving the room without his best friend even realising he has left. To his surprise, Damon wasn't home yet. As he put his stuff away, he started to get worried that the past two weeks had been the calm before the storm. His mounting worry was quickly assuaged as a happy “Honey, I'm home” resounded from the entryway.

“Hey Buddy. Feeling better today?” he said tentatively.

“Oh, I feel excellent! So much accomplished today.” Damn had on a mischievous expression Alaric had not seen in a while. Though his still pale face worried him. “I have made sure that Matt, Blondie or Jeremy can't step a foot in the building, my request to have the deed in Bon-Bon's name just came through and I would pay to see her face when she gets the confirmation in the mail.”

“You sure that's not a little presumptuous? And making her friends unable to get her stuff can piss her off even more you know.”

“Whatever. I told her in the letter with the papers that I don't want the place if she's not there. I only got it because she chose it, she decorated every inch of the place so she should keep it. It's not like there is any rent or anything. It was meant as her oasis off campus anyway and...” Damon face looked pained as he continued “why would I want to live somewhere that's full of the happiest time in my life when I know it's over? She might as well take advantage of the place because I know I can't.”

“That's generous of you. But have you thought that maybe she doesn't want to live in a place that is a reminder of you guys' relationship either?”

“Well it was just a temporary distraction in her mind so she wouldn't care, right?”

At this point Alaric wasn't even sure which answer Damon would prefer to hear, the encouraging one that sounded like a lie to his hopeless ears or the one that added nails in the coffin of their relationship. Alaric went with:

“Regardless, she cared- still cares- for you, Damon. I don't think she would feel good about being there when you can't.”

“If she cared -” the upset vampire started in a loud voice “if she cares, then why is she still not answering me? Why is she avoiding me? Trying to erase every trace of me in her life. God, Ric what can I do to even get her to talk to me?” 

Damon visibly deflated, the fight and anger leaving his body. He had first been angry, so angry by the fact that Bonnie was so ready to let him go. That she was completely unsurprised, heck she was even expecting it, that Damon would just leave her for Elena. She had seemed almost annoyed that he wanted to talk about it and wanted to stay with her, when she finally realised that he was trying to do that. 

She wouldn't let him explain. She wouldn't let him tell her that she was the one he wanted, that it really was not what she had been so quick to assume. But she wouldn't let him say anything and then tried to relegate him to a friend, to someone she showed endless patience to without ever expecting anything in return. 

The same flow of questions that had flooded his brain since their break up rose up in his mind all at once. 'How can she ask me to just be there in the background, watch her move on and not be able to be with her?' He thought. 'How can she think we can be friends when I know what it's like to have her to be mine and me be hers? Would she expect me to cheer her on when she dated other people? Give her advice on how she can be happy without me?'

Damon could not go back to the way things were, he wanted to be the one she let herself be demanding with. 

An unexpected knock on the door pulled him out of his gloomy thoughts, he watched Alaric sigh half in relief and half in annoyance as he went to open the door. 

“Enzo! What are you doing here?” Alaric did not try to hide his weariness. The two men had never really endeavoured to get along and mostly tolerated each other’s presence in Damon’s life and therefore each other’s.

“Oh, you know, I heard that my best bud over here is quite chagrined and I thought I might know how to cheer him up.” They both could see a self satisfied smirk on the lately brooding vampire’s face and it did not bode well.

“Enzo's, I’m really not in the mood to paint the town red, I am past that childish and immature response to grief now. That is just so 2014.” Damon replied uninterested and irritated.

“OH! But I came to talk about your raison d’être, mon cher...”Glee was plastered all over his face, “I just figured you would be worried that she might slip away from your grasp.”

Damon sped over to him at speed Alaric still was surprised by, even after having been a vampire, and grabbed his friend’s neck.

“What. Did. You, DO?” He gritted out. Hand tightening with every word but Damon had kept his diet pretty pretty high on alcohol and low on nutritious blood, therefore Enzo gained the upper hand embarrassingly quickly, keeping him at literal arm’s length.

“Calm _down_ mate. Why the aggression? Especially when I came over here to help you out, hmm?” He tutted, looking like a disappointed elementary school teacher. “I just wanted to keep you informed since I saw your _beloved_ ” he stressed mockingly “chatting with our ex-werewolf friend. She seemed very sympathetic to his loneliness over the holidays and he looked a little too enthusiastic at her suggestion that they go to a chalet. ” He waggled his eyebrows and added "Alone. Just the two of them. By a fire...drinking, reminescing about teenage snogs. And before you know it, clothes are fl-"

All Alaric heard was the tell-tale crack of a neck being snapped before seeing Damon speed out through the door. Enzo was laying on the floor with his limbs at an odd angle, looking extremely comical.

Hmmm...well, one way or another, his flat would be all his again. Whether it would be because Damon would move back in his and Bonnie's loft or if it would be because he would go on a booze cruise around the world, it was all in the hands of one small witch. In the meantime, he would practice his nonchalant yet smug pose waiting for the moron currently littering his floor to get the hell out of his place.

He didn't have to wait long, Enzo twitched and released a pained groan soon enough. He had managed to perfect his pose just in time to sarcastically say “Well, that went well. Cup of tea?” Enzo groaned one more time, sitting up gingerly. “No? Well, then get the hell out of my house.” The fall out of Damon’s actions might shake things up permanently but in the mean time, he had this little victory to savour for a bit. Alaric really really, didn’t like Enzo.

\-------------

“I’m going to rip Lockwood’s throat out and feed them to him. Give Bonnie a real reason to completely erase me out of her life” Damon thought.

But even just bringing up her name with the intention of hitting her, Damon slowed down, his rage doused with the cold feeling of awareness. If he did this, if he reacted like this, he would be that person again. The one who lashed out at the ones he loved. He should not want to hurt her. To punish her. 

Plus, it didn't even make sense to want to guarantee she would never want anything to do with him. How would it help him to go from a potential reconciliation to making them forever enemies? And it would be, because this was Bonnie and she had sworn on her Grams’ grave that she would never allow their relationship to keep her from stopping him if he crossed the line. And killing Tyler would. 

Besides, what would it accomplish? Make her realise that he had been a good boy? She never doubted him anyway, didn’t dangle their relationship as a carrot to make him behave, oh, and what would it matter once he ruined it? Would he go back to that person who flipped a coin and killed someone? What good would that do for him? More loneliness, drunken rages and bitterness, blaming others for his faults? No he wouldn’t do that, not for Bonnie (although thanks to her) but for himself. Because he wasn't that person anymore, he was better than that. He was going to go drink something nutritious, get some real sleep –in his own bed, let the alcohol be worked through his system and call Bonnie the next day. He would present himself as a decent human being, have a calm conversation with her, explain everything that happened and put his heart in her hands. No bargaining, threatening or badgering. Just an honest conversation between two people who loved each other. At least he hoped so, he couldn't believe that all these months together, finally getting a taste of true happiness, had meant nothing to her. Because it had meant the world to him. He loved her so much that he would rather let her find her happiness somewhere else. Earlier he said he couldn't be her friend, but maybe time away would help. Regardless, her happiness mattered most. He just wanted to cast away any doubt from her mind that she was loved, that he would never, ever betray her and that she was always his priority. If he knew he had given it his all, told her everything she needed to hear, at least he would be sure he did everything and start to get used to the idea of being without her.

Just thinking about that made his chest tighten in sadness. But he had to do it, for Bonnie. As a thank you for everything she had given him.

He arrived home. Showered, fed and went into the bad he had fled since her departure. The room smelled like her, the sheets still carried her gardenia scent. He fell asleep dreaming about their talk. In his dreams, they hugged and kissed tearfully, promising to stay together forever. He spun her around, her beautiful hair floating with a cold breeze as her giggles resounded around them. Despite the winter, the trees above them rained petals of snow white gardenia on their heads.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for how long this took ;/  
> I had exams right after chapter 1 and then kind of lost my enthusiasm about the show and I will be honest just could not be enthusiastic about the story. I am now completely unplugged from the show and I think it helps with what I want to do. 
> 
> This was challenging. The questions after the first part told me I needed to provide more details about the inciting incident, explain what happened in the meantime and also shed more light on Damon's side of things. Unfortunately, I find Damon to be extremely hard to write for. I don't know how it happened but I somehow had this eureka moment where most of the story was through Alaric's eyes. It was perfect because he is a blanker slate than Damon, has a sympathetic inclination towards him but is also more likely to think about how Damon messed up without being overly condemning or forgiving.  
> I also hoped to convey some kind of evolution with Damon because honestly his definition of love and devotion in canon are creepy to me and he uses his hurt feelings to do unforgivable shit. I wanted to show what is good about their relationship for both sides (thanks again Alaric) so there are what I hope are subtle indications that Bonnie is learning to be more mindful of her own needs while Damon learns to pull his head out of his ass and not stick it up whomever's he's in love with at that time. I wanted him to choose to be decent for himself, because that's the only way I see him being worthy of Bonnie in the long run.
> 
> PS: I'm exhausted, it's past midnight and I woke up super early so there will be mistakes and stuff. Please don't hesitate to point them out. I should have a cleaner version up next week, I just really want this out.

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya!
> 
> A oneshot turned 3-chapters I started eons ago. I am picking it back up. I hope to finish it by the end of month.  
> I will admit this was partly a rant fic because I was fucking tired of seeing Bonnie being miserable and left behind. The other half was just thinking about Bamon, how I would see them in the future and how they would deal with the Elena problem. I wondered if Bonnie would be able to ever take their relationship that seriously, in terms of longevity. And I could see Damon kind of stumbling and being unsure. Wasn't even sure they would stay together but the more I wrote, the less it made sense if they didn't so here we are.   
> Hope you enjoy.  
> (@*^-^*@)


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